The Ski Taliban
If you ski with me at Holiday Valley (AKA Crappy day Valley) in Ellicottville, NY, chances are that you know about the Ski Taliban. We used to call them the Yellow Jackets, Ski Nazis, Fun Busters, etc. Now, they are the Ski Taliban.
The Ski Taliban are hired by Holiday Valley (and paid with a free ski pass) to enforce the rules. The so-called rules are a hodge-podge of subjective crap that these failed-mall-security people take joy in enforcing. For example, years ago, they would pull your pass if you jumped! Recall the youthful joys of being simply one to two feet in the air! This group of morons used to pull passes of seven-year olds having fun, taking a bit of air. These days, if you ski in the trees, crack a smile, have fun or otherwise violate their rules constricting freedom, you run the risk of an unpleasant encounter with the Ski Taliban. I, for one, have had the thrill of being kicked-out for the day and had my pass pulled.
Upon arriving at Holiday Valley and taking your first lift up, you will be hollered at by a Ski Taliban put your bar down. Its almost mandatory to yell what? Just so that youve annoyed these morons. Eventually, youll be forced to put your chairlift safety bar down. Mind you at many resorts, the chairlifts do not even have safety bars, nor do they have nitwits telling you what to do on both the chair and on the slope. It has often been said/proven that these morons can not ski, and thus their idea of a ski day is hollering at people.
When you ski down, you may be accosted at the lift line by a Ski Taliban who is in your face, wanting to see your pass and telling you that you ski too fast. Mind you, if you are a jeans-wearing, line-backer type skier (you know, all hunched over, going straight down the hill) hopped-up on booze (it flows freely here in Ellicottville), you get a free pass to whack any other skiers. But if you happen to be an expert, they love to chase you down and call in close air support, if needed. That's why the occasional human slalom played with the Ski Taliban can be so much fun - let the games begin. I know someone who has been told that he was "intimidating other skiers!" Ha!
Rather than fighting the Taliban, we've adopted a new system, simply playing with them. Don't put the bar down, just to force them to yell at you. By all means, play human slalom with 'em, we've even begun to shoot spitballs at them in the lodge. They love the attention, we even saw one guy hiding in the woods of the Wall, Dukes of Hazzard-style just so he could yell at people to put their "safety" bar down. For what it's worth, the only time I ever fell out of a chairlift, I jumped, I did not fall.
We've seen them cause little kids to cry (Mike Lyons' name is on that one - nice job scumbag), yell at people if their spray (snow kicked-out from the skis when turning and stopping) hit others, pull passes of the Nationals (ie. National Ski Patrol - the real patrol), yell at people just for looking down a closed trail (Don Meyer's name is on that one), yell at people hiking on the trails (as in snow shoe-ers who were hiking the state forest grounds, not the ski area property) and yell at people for no apparent reason. They even get on their radios to announce when they've lectured a regular skier.
So why does the Ski Taliban continue their reign of unkindness?? $$, it's got to be money. My theory is that the Taliban exist to keep the Valley's insurance premiums lower. I think the Valley uses this band of nitwits to contain their costs, there can be no other explanation. Granted, there are a few who view the "job" as a free pass and can not be bothered enforcing the "rules," and thus are known to be the badasses within the Taliban, but the good guys to the rest of us.
George W. Bush will soon be including the Ski Taliban as a part of the Axis of Evil. The Ski Taliban have destroyed the Essence of Skiing. They do not support the Constitution of the USA as they take issue with any words you use upon being "pulled over." They are un-American and certainly are not skiers nor do they promote anything good about skiing.
For now, the season is over, no Ski Talibans for the whole summer, but they'll be back. And so too will our fun! Look out boys, we're comin' for ya!
The Ski Taliban are hired by Holiday Valley (and paid with a free ski pass) to enforce the rules. The so-called rules are a hodge-podge of subjective crap that these failed-mall-security people take joy in enforcing. For example, years ago, they would pull your pass if you jumped! Recall the youthful joys of being simply one to two feet in the air! This group of morons used to pull passes of seven-year olds having fun, taking a bit of air. These days, if you ski in the trees, crack a smile, have fun or otherwise violate their rules constricting freedom, you run the risk of an unpleasant encounter with the Ski Taliban. I, for one, have had the thrill of being kicked-out for the day and had my pass pulled.
Upon arriving at Holiday Valley and taking your first lift up, you will be hollered at by a Ski Taliban put your bar down. Its almost mandatory to yell what? Just so that youve annoyed these morons. Eventually, youll be forced to put your chairlift safety bar down. Mind you at many resorts, the chairlifts do not even have safety bars, nor do they have nitwits telling you what to do on both the chair and on the slope. It has often been said/proven that these morons can not ski, and thus their idea of a ski day is hollering at people.
When you ski down, you may be accosted at the lift line by a Ski Taliban who is in your face, wanting to see your pass and telling you that you ski too fast. Mind you, if you are a jeans-wearing, line-backer type skier (you know, all hunched over, going straight down the hill) hopped-up on booze (it flows freely here in Ellicottville), you get a free pass to whack any other skiers. But if you happen to be an expert, they love to chase you down and call in close air support, if needed. That's why the occasional human slalom played with the Ski Taliban can be so much fun - let the games begin. I know someone who has been told that he was "intimidating other skiers!" Ha!
Rather than fighting the Taliban, we've adopted a new system, simply playing with them. Don't put the bar down, just to force them to yell at you. By all means, play human slalom with 'em, we've even begun to shoot spitballs at them in the lodge. They love the attention, we even saw one guy hiding in the woods of the Wall, Dukes of Hazzard-style just so he could yell at people to put their "safety" bar down. For what it's worth, the only time I ever fell out of a chairlift, I jumped, I did not fall.
We've seen them cause little kids to cry (Mike Lyons' name is on that one - nice job scumbag), yell at people if their spray (snow kicked-out from the skis when turning and stopping) hit others, pull passes of the Nationals (ie. National Ski Patrol - the real patrol), yell at people just for looking down a closed trail (Don Meyer's name is on that one), yell at people hiking on the trails (as in snow shoe-ers who were hiking the state forest grounds, not the ski area property) and yell at people for no apparent reason. They even get on their radios to announce when they've lectured a regular skier.
So why does the Ski Taliban continue their reign of unkindness?? $$, it's got to be money. My theory is that the Taliban exist to keep the Valley's insurance premiums lower. I think the Valley uses this band of nitwits to contain their costs, there can be no other explanation. Granted, there are a few who view the "job" as a free pass and can not be bothered enforcing the "rules," and thus are known to be the badasses within the Taliban, but the good guys to the rest of us.
George W. Bush will soon be including the Ski Taliban as a part of the Axis of Evil. The Ski Taliban have destroyed the Essence of Skiing. They do not support the Constitution of the USA as they take issue with any words you use upon being "pulled over." They are un-American and certainly are not skiers nor do they promote anything good about skiing.
For now, the season is over, no Ski Talibans for the whole summer, but they'll be back. And so too will our fun! Look out boys, we're comin' for ya!
posted by Skier at
9:54 AM
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